{"id":112,"date":"2024-08-24T08:29:58","date_gmt":"2024-08-24T08:29:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/conradxposure.com\/wordpress\/?page_id=112"},"modified":"2024-08-31T06:18:47","modified_gmt":"2024-08-31T06:18:47","slug":"poems-2","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/conradxposure.com\/wordpress\/?page_id=112","title":{"rendered":"Poems 2"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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lizard skin bag<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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everything i own<\/p>\n\n\n\n

is contained<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in a lizard skin bag<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i have a weakness for skin<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in early autumn<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the flesh began to fall away<\/p>\n\n\n\n

as if a deciduous tree<\/p>\n\n\n\n

slowly revealing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

its underlying structure<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the mound<\/p>\n\n\n\n

winterly furred<\/p>\n\n\n\n

sank<\/p>\n\n\n\n

as if seeking bone<\/p>\n\n\n\n

pits attracting shafts of light<\/p>\n\n\n\n

closed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

between soul and darkness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

skin kept company with bones<\/p>\n\n\n\n

body sinking<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n
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Poems from Illusion’s Hump<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n
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father<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

father<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you came too late<\/p>\n\n\n\n

a mound of anger had grown<\/p>\n\n\n\n

over heart\u2019s divided chamber<\/p>\n\n\n\n

father<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i waited for you<\/p>\n\n\n\n

bound in the skin shroud<\/p>\n\n\n\n

of life \u2013 death<\/p>\n\n\n\n

father<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i called your name<\/p>\n\n\n\n

when I was laid<\/p>\n\n\n\n

on a backstreet abortionist\u2019s table<\/p>\n\n\n\n

father<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i called your name<\/p>\n\n\n\n

when they tore out my ovary<\/p>\n\n\n\n

father<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i called your name<\/p>\n\n\n\n

when I fell through a glasshouse<\/p>\n\n\n\n

father<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i called your name<\/p>\n\n\n\n

when I slashed my wrists<\/p>\n\n\n\n

father<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i called your name<\/p>\n\n\n\n

when my blood<\/p>\n\n\n\n

shot into the sky<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in a black fountain<\/p>\n\n\n\n

father<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you came too late<\/p>\n\n\n\n

a mound of anger had grown<\/p>\n\n\n\n

over heart\u2019s divided chamber<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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mother<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

mother<\/p>\n\n\n\n

this man you so mercilessly offer<\/p>\n\n\n\n

is not my father<\/p>\n\n\n\n

at an early age<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i tested<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the unpalatable qualities<\/p>\n\n\n\n

of his suit<\/p>\n\n\n\n

forced by a striking repulsion<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to withdraw<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i hid on a narrow windowsill<\/p>\n\n\n\n

nibbling dry biscuits<\/p>\n\n\n\n

plucking at the dead cloth<\/p>\n\n\n\n

of an insidious curtain<\/p>\n\n\n\n

mother<\/p>\n\n\n\n

this man you so mercilessly offer<\/p>\n\n\n\n

is not my father<\/p>\n\n\n\n

at an early age<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i grasped the naked pole<\/p>\n\n\n\n

of a revolving clothesline<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ran round and round<\/p>\n\n\n\n

dizzy with disbelief<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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glass mountain<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(for my mother & father)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

when i was 33 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

i met a man<\/p>\n\n\n\n

he said<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the lines on your hand are a map<\/p>\n\n\n\n

there is a<\/p>\n\n\n\n

secret<\/p>\n\n\n\n

surrounding your birth<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the man who you think is your father<\/p>\n\n\n\n

is not your father<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i crept away<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the boat slid between<\/p>\n\n\n\n

huge sleeping hills<\/p>\n\n\n\n

seagulls screamed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

their eyes cruel<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i came to my mothers house<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i said to her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

who is my father<\/p>\n\n\n\n

she said nothing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

for a long time<\/p>\n\n\n\n

nothing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

then she said<\/p>\n\n\n\n

your father is<\/p>\n\n\n\n

a jewish painter<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i sent him a photograph of myself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i was afraid he would not want me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i wore a white feather in my hair<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i told him about<\/p>\n\n\n\n

my broken marriages<\/p>\n\n\n\n

my abortions<\/p>\n\n\n\n

my lovers<\/p>\n\n\n\n

my children<\/p>\n\n\n\n

my self imprisonment<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i said<\/p>\n\n\n\n

life is a glass mountain<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i keep climbing up<\/p>\n\n\n\n

falling down<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i live in a dream<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i turn everything i love<\/p>\n\n\n\n

into a fetish<\/p>\n\n\n\n

my father wrote to me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

he wanted me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

he had no children<\/p>\n\n\n\n

only me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

he asked me to come and stay with him<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in london<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i was afraid of the world<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i did not wear clothes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i did not eat meat<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i lived high up in a hidden valley<\/p>\n\n\n\n

within a circle of hills<\/p>\n\n\n\n

a great river rushed down the valley<\/p>\n\n\n\n

met another river<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the land was full of stones and foxgloves<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i did not show my paintings to anyone<\/p>\n\n\n\n

from the age of 26<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i hid them in cupboards instead of food<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i stood at the airport<\/p>\n\n\n\n

my plaits<\/p>\n\n\n\n

dying silkworms<\/p>\n\n\n\n

my father<\/p>\n\n\n\n

bound in the still egg of a dream<\/p>\n\n\n\n

hovered in his long gabardine coat<\/p>\n\n\n\n

curls straggling on his collar<\/p>\n\n\n\n

smooth olive face<\/p>\n\n\n\n

blurry & secretive<\/p>\n\n\n\n

mouth opulent<\/p>\n\n\n\n

gentle eyes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

bespectacled<\/p>\n\n\n\n

he was frightened when he saw me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

cleaving to the wall<\/p>\n\n\n\n

as if wanting to escape<\/p>\n\n\n\n

he had run from me all these years<\/p>\n\n\n\n

we drove away in a black limousine<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the tall dark house was full of his paintings<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i showed him my paintings<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in a head on collision<\/p>\n\n\n\n

we recognized each others<\/p>\n\n\n\n

queerly mapped territory<\/p>\n\n\n\n

wanting each other<\/p>\n\n\n\n

yet<\/p>\n\n\n\n

rejecting each other<\/p>\n\n\n\n

violently<\/p>\n\n\n\n

each one aghast<\/p>\n\n\n\n

at the others likeness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

each one turning away<\/p>\n\n\n\n

from love offered  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

you park your car<\/p>\n\n\n\n

outside my bedroom window<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you shut my bedroom window<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you nail paint rags across the glass<\/p>\n\n\n\n

my bedroom is<\/p>\n\n\n\n

plunged in darkness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

outside you rattle your spray gun<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the smell of turpentine pierces memory<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i grope in darkness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i remember how i first saw you<\/p>\n\n\n\n

your tail of gold hair<\/p>\n\n\n\n

your coat of corduroy<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i was on heat<\/p>\n\n\n\n

with a proclivity for crushes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you led me on<\/p>\n\n\n\n

hastening away<\/p>\n\n\n\n

at crucial point<\/p>\n\n\n\n

a friend, startled by my obsession with you<\/p>\n\n\n\n

informed my mother<\/p>\n\n\n\n

my mother said to me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you always get crushes on men<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you live in a dream world<\/p>\n\n\n\n

this time you shall face reality<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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imitation giraffe<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

during my slow death<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i became<\/p>\n\n\n\n

part of the broken<\/p>\n\n\n\n

part of the cracks<\/p>\n\n\n\n

part of the holes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

part of the eternal gasp<\/p>\n\n\n\n

nearer<\/p>\n\n\n\n

nearer<\/p>\n\n\n\n

than a lover<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the broken<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the vanquished<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the hungry<\/p>\n\n\n\n

nearer<\/p>\n\n\n\n

nearer<\/p>\n\n\n\n

than a lover<\/p>\n\n\n\n

nailed to<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the flaming arc<\/p>\n\n\n\n

of life<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i became<\/p>\n\n\n\n

an imitation giraffe<\/p>\n\n\n\n

set in concrete<\/p>\n\n\n\n

staring in glass eyes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

whilst the real giraffe<\/p>\n\n\n\n

huddled in a shed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

nearer<\/p>\n\n\n\n

nearer<\/p>\n\n\n\n

than a lover<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

thesaurus <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(for miro)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

when i was 9 months pregnant<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i got stuck in the lavatory<\/p>\n\n\n\n

with a red & black thesaurus<\/p>\n\n\n\n

after 5 hours of enforced study<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i was let out<\/p>\n\n\n\n

not long after this<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you were born<\/p>\n\n\n\n

at an early age<\/p>\n\n\n\n

your vocabulary was extensive<\/p>\n\n\n\n

mine was strangely applied<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in dark places<\/p>\n\n\n\n

my fear of being locked away<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                                                   grew<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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broken souls<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

when will you be ready<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to go to the market<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you ask<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in a tight black coat<\/p>\n\n\n\n

not yet I say<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ive got to<\/p>\n\n\n\n

suck<\/p>\n\n\n\n

dust<\/p>\n\n\n\n

up the long stick<\/p>\n\n\n\n

of my vacuum cleaner<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ive never owned a<\/p>\n\n\n\n

vacuum cleaner<\/p>\n\n\n\n

before<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ive always used<\/p>\n\n\n\n

a straw broom<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to chase the dust<\/p>\n\n\n\n

of<\/p>\n\n\n\n

broken souls<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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ghosts of lovers – pukerua bay 2008<\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

flung far from Kapiti Island
my heart an ancient canoe
filled with ghosts of lovers…..children

their voices echo over the bay

in the summer of my twenty second year
you appeared outside my broken door
long naked feet
groping dry yellow grass
hot face on mine
laughter exploding<\/p>\n\n\n\n

your shadow and mine
flung
out to sea

in your house
at the end of the bay
we lay in your sighing bed
bodies coffined
hands and feet crossed
throats ballooning
with the rush of unborn words<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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veiled in steam<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

blinded by the sun<\/p>\n\n\n\n

she  traverses rooms<\/p>\n\n\n\n

leaning on her black stick<\/p>\n\n\n\n

her twisted feet hover above the floor<\/p>\n\n\n\n

her great fallen head<\/p>\n\n\n\n

her eagles nose<\/p>\n\n\n\n

her flaring nostrils<\/p>\n\n\n\n

still seek the unattainable<\/p>\n\n\n\n

reaching the bathroom<\/p>\n\n\n\n

she crouches<\/p>\n\n\n\n

veiled in steam<\/p>\n\n\n\n

on her precarious throne<\/p>\n\n\n\n

posing as her daughter<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i shower her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

with sudden ejaculations of hot & cold water<\/p>\n\n\n\n

rolling a slippery cake of rose soap<\/p>\n\n\n\n

over her nakedness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

into the open graves of her armpits <\/p>\n\n\n\n

over the gentle egg of her belly<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 she holds out her hands <\/p>\n\n\n\n

cupping the water<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I slide the soap over her burial mound<\/p>\n\n\n\n

directing a warm stream<\/p>\n\n\n\n

towards that sacred place<\/p>\n\n\n\n

where I sheltered 68 years ago<\/p>\n\n\n\n

how can I tell her I revere her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am lost in the open grave<\/p>\n\n\n\n

of her arm pit<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the soap slithers out of my hands  <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

lizard skin bag everything i own is contained in a lizard skin bag i have a weakness for skin in early autumn the flesh began to fall away as if a deciduous tree slowly revealing its underlying structure the mound winterly furred sank as if seeking bone pits attracting shafts of light closed between soul… Continue reading Poems 2<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-112","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/conradxposure.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/112","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/conradxposure.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/conradxposure.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/conradxposure.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/conradxposure.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=112"}],"version-history":[{"count":16,"href":"https:\/\/conradxposure.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/112\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":619,"href":"https:\/\/conradxposure.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/112\/revisions\/619"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/conradxposure.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=112"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}